Limited-Edition Western New York Barbies
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for Western New York areas.
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"East Amherst Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Walden Galleria. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. attire sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.
![[]](cid:004e01c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"West Seneca Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
![[]](cid:004f01c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"South Buffalo Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes in overalls or Wal-Mart sweat suit with racing strip and "Too Cute" embroidered on front. Accessories include a 9mm handgun, an OJ Simpson knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
![[]](cid:005001c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"Elmwood Village Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
![[]](cid:005101c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
" Cattaraugus County Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
![[]](cid:005201c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"Kenmore Barbie "
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and bleached blonde hair. She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold separately.
![[]](cid:005301c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"Niagara County Trailer Home Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Warrior Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
![[]](cid:005401c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"Allentown Barbie "
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Allentown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
![[]](cid:005501c772dc$ffa5dc60$6401a8c0@mobileone)
"Riverside Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
"East Amherst Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Walden Galleria. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. attire sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.
"West Seneca Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"South Buffalo Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes in overalls or Wal-Mart sweat suit with racing strip and "Too Cute" embroidered on front. Accessories include a 9mm handgun, an OJ Simpson knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
"Elmwood Village Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
" Cattaraugus County Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Kenmore Barbie "
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and bleached blonde hair. She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold separately.
"Niagara County Trailer Home Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Warrior Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
"Allentown Barbie "
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Allentown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"Riverside Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
posted by Colonel Hammer at 10:06
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