RPG posters

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The images below were taken during the battle for the Liberian capital, Monrovia, where local custom dictates that the use of a weapons sights is strictly prohibited. Also prohibited are aiming, assuming a supported firing position - in fact anything that might resemble anything that might constitute marksmanship. Hip hop / rappa / gangsta poses are mandatory, as we will see.

Note this example of a perfect executed flamboyant sideways Glock Foh-Tay running stance.



Lethality is achieved by subjecting the target to a hosing down with automatic fire, undirected artillery & mortars or attempting to lower the intended targets moral with gesturing & aggressive hip-hop style dancing while firing. Points & respec are awarded for artistic effort, original interpretation, fearsome facial expressions & the gratuitous use of blue duct tape (but more on that in the extended entry).

When undertaken FIBUA operations, most militia units will use the Soul Train infantry formation during the advance to contact.



Your average militiaman, upon coming under effective enemy fire, will swiftly move to a suitable position & return accurate, well directed fire while waiting for his platoon commander to assess the situation. The amazing height & style on this one really impressed the judges.





Once contact with the enemy has occurred & the platoon commander has assessed the situation & formulated a plan, he will direct fire using tracer rounds & the one handed overhead blind shot, to indicate the position of da brizzles over thar.




As fire teams start to fire & manoeuvre, suppressive fire will be provided by a support section, often form the prone position - too bad that the mag spring has blown out of the bottom of this beautifully blue-duct-taped God of War magazine rig.



Other platoon members such as this pair often use the difficult of co-ordinate phat bammer swagger shooting stance while providing suppressive fire.



Note : this is the first photograph obtained by Western intelligence showing evidence that the latest issue combat flip flops urban are now on general issue

Immediate actions if caught in the open during a firefight, will include shouting Yo yo yo , fo shizzle.



or adopting the effective hangin wit mee homies firing stance



When moving to the assult phase, war cries are likely to include the much feared gonna cap yo ass biitch



& the ultilising specialists trained in the close quarters use of the feared Ken Dodd-tickling stick-Uzi combo



The nautical theme is ever popular as is seen by this militiaman wearing a stylish Kapok life jacket. It wont stop a bullet but it sure looks Boo-yaa!



Company support arms are frequently deployed at platoon level. Counter armour capability is provided by RPG teams. Adopting the Phat Batman Begins firing position is a new innovation but its bitchin hot, oh yeahhhh!



Intervention of Fighter Ground Attack is countered by AAA specialists as is shown here, adopting the homeless street person anti-aircraft position with great precision.




This gun team demonstrates the proper way to providing support fire in the light role utilising the non-aiming duck-walk method, keeping at least five feet of link trailing from the weapon at any given time. Note the suitably awe-struck look on the faces of the onlooking posse respec.

95% of the Internet is porn, and a lot of that porn is guns.

Contents [hide]
1 Guns and the Internet
2 Way of the Gun
3 Which one
3.1 M-16 Series Rifle
3.1.1 History of the M-16
3.2 M14 Rifle
3.2.1 History of the M14
3.3 Other guns
3.3.1 AA-12, Major Pwnage :)
3.3.2 HK MP5, spray 'n pray lolololol
3.3.3 Colt Model 1911A1, teh best evah!
3.3.4 AK-47, betta than ur dad!
3.3.5 FN FAL
3.3.6 .357 Magnum, boom! Headshot
3.3.7 10mm Auto
3.3.8 Deagle is betta than awp camping fags!111!!
3.3.9 Browning Automatic Rifle M1918 (B.A.R.)
3.3.10 The Golden Gun
3.3.11 Bazooka
3.3.12 BFG 9000
3.3.13 Uzi
3.3.14 Host Shotgun
3.3.15 Vulcan Cannon/ Minigun/ Gatling gun
3.3.16 Railguns
3.3.17 Nukes
3.4 In Regard to Sword Myths
3.5 An asian prepares to go to school
3.6 NRA
3.7 Who Uses Guns???
3.7.1 Niggers
3.7.2 Beaners
3.7.3 Injuns
3.7.4 Faggots
3.7.5 Arabs
3.7.6 Jews
3.7.7 Armenians
3.7.8 Whites
3.7.9 Asians
3.7.10 Mitchel Henderson
3.8 Why Guns Rule
3.9 See also


[edit] Guns and the Internet
As has been established, weapons are all over the Internet. Some are big, black, and sleek, others of a lighter hue and well polished. Common themes occur however; all have hordes of avid male admirers and if you push the right part they fire their hot loads all over the intended target. The same is true for firearms; the Internet has a huge guns, weapons and military related subculture, with numerous websites catering for all preferences. Some are filled to the brim with 16 year olds that don't have a fucking clue and generally just spout the latest bullshit from Future Weapons, and some are where the soldiers hang out. Regardless of the intended audience, there are many common threads that bind all into a gigantic clusterfuck of bad will and malignant intent. Below is your guide to this delightful phenomenom.

[edit] Way of the Gun
Guns were made by Jesus Christ after realizing his favorite country, the United States, needed something to spread the gospel to savages. Armed with the power of Christianity and a factory of Indian sweatshop workers Jesus invented the first gun and since then it was been used to bring peace and justice to the free world by ridding us of the lesser races tainted by the the curse of Ham for covering the genitals of Noah in the vineyard.

Unfortunately after a dispute over a bad night smack and a couple of born again Christian Thai boys, Jesus accidentally made guns public domain so now everyfuckingbody makes and uses guns. Unless you're a samurai, then you just have sword wagging contests and cruel forced sex on the local serf girls who live on your Daiymo's land.

[edit] Which one
Now that you know the pre-history of God's instrument of wrath, its time you know which one to pick and choose. Which one you pick is up to you, but just remember a gun says a lot about a man. If you cheap out and buy that rusty break open shotgun then people are going to think you are fucking your sister behind the shed where you make moonshine and play dulcet Southern tunes on a banjo.

[edit] M-16 Series Rifle
The M-16 is the iconic weapon of the god-fearing red-blooded American race. If you carry that piece you are out on a holy crusade to end the lives of communists, democrats, Muslims, and the occasional Catholic, cause we all know those Mary-worshipers have it coming. Keep it clean and it will be good to you, drag it around like its your Chinese mail order bride and it will be about as useful in battle as a Puerto Rican in a knife fight.

[edit] History of the M-16
The Armalite short-stroke M16 series rifle was a collaboration between Mattel toys and the Disney corporation in an effort make a new battle rifle capable of putting down the rising population of negroid males that threatened to enslave the Aryan race in a flood of chicken and melons. During its development Walt Disney realized its negro stopping power could easily be applied to communists and jews.

In light of this revelation Walt Disney signed a contract with the US military, who at the time was giving freedom to gooks. The US Army needed moar guns to help spread freedom and bridge the gap between short range freedom and long range freedom while maintaining acceptable freedom spreading ballistic wounds. Freedom ain't free you know?

During development, the rifle was picked up by the US Army which was struggling because potheads, the primary demographic for recruitment in the 60s, couldn't handle the pornstar recoil of the M-14. The M-16A1 model helped resolve that problem by introducing a rifle that wouldn't fire at all. In a stroke of genius the US military decided that cleaning the rifle was silly because Walt Disney pitched the rifle as self-cleaning. Ironically the majority of people who got owned because of this were darkie conscripts, leading many historians to believe that this deficiency was Walt Disney plan all along in the original rifle's purpose of reducing the negroid race's population.

Since then, the rectal sting of Goofytime has haunted the M-16 series rifles, even in the face of improved freedom spreading models like the M-16A2 and M-16A4. One promising new variant is HK416, made by former Jew-pwning Nazis. The HK416 which has a piston system to help the US soldier send more freedom in the direction of grateful Muslims without overheating or malfunctioning even in second-life digital scat.

Another criticism of the M-16 is its 5.56x45mm NATO ammunition. While not able to penetrate like the 7.62x39mm of the AK-47 nor have the direct stopping power, its slimmer design allows superior democracy giving distance. Also at ranges of 100-150 meters the bullet can tumble upon impact and provide a good dispersal of American liberty that fills vital organs with the burden of the white man.

If you mention the M-16 on most gun boards or forums, entire waves of 13 year old boys, jerking off violently to their Counterstrike kill records and inflated sense of gun knowledge, will scream at you in all caps. They will tell you to do things with your cat's anal cavity and an M-16 rifle. Try not to listen to them as anal fluid of cats are corrosive and will damage the finish on a rifle's flash suppressor.

[edit] M14 Rifle
Before the sweet-sixteen there was the the M14. A beastly pure-bred American piece made of wood, iron, and cock. If you don't mind the fact it kicks like a date-rape scene gone wrong then you can't go wrong with its 7.62x51mm NATO truck stopping power. If haji is having himself a little pow-wow with roasted marshmallows and sing-alongs behind that reinforced sandbag teepee and your 5.56x45mm NATO ain't cutting it, never fear! Your M-14 will punch right through that sandwiched dirt and give Haji a splintering sensation of our constitutional right to kick ass and take names, even if their names are written in squiggly lines. Just don't mistake it for a machine gun.

[edit] History of the M14
After WW2 when the commies took the US off its friends list on Facebook and banned them from their server in Korea, the US Military realized it needed a replacement for its reliable but dated morning wood. Emboldened by the guiding principles of Lord Byron, the US Military went to a domestic sperm bank and in 1958, gave birth to 11.5lbs of joy named the M14.

A home schooled rifle, the M14 had a difficult time adjusting to the needs of modern warfare. When it first went to war in Vietnam it was quickly discovered that the various tiny sub-human minorities and spoiled heroin-sucking white kids being shipped off to the crotch of South Asia couldn't handle the old-school wife-beating kick of the M14. When the sleeker M16 came along, bringing with it pussy-lick recoil, reliability problems, and substantial political connections with Walt Disney, the M14 was shoved into the closet, forgotten like a mentally retarded cousin whose parents keep him locked in the shed when you come for Thanksgiving.

Like Paris Hilton, the M-14's greatest asset was also its greatest weakness. The 7.62x51mm was a powerful cartridge, mirroring the a .30-06 Springfield more so than an intermediate liberty making lead dispenser. Though it gave excellent accurate Christ touching range and penetrating power that would put Sodom and Gomorrah to shame, the extra super freedom juice that gave it those qualities made it too powerful for the limp-wristed flower generation of the 60s. The big round's HU3G recoil made the M-14 a piece of shit when fired on full auto, as it made the muzzle of the weapon want to have anal sex with the sky every time the soldier tried to fire in rapid succession: Despite the 7.62x51mm's overwhelming pwnage potential, this key flaw was the reason why the M-14 got replaced by the the M-16 as a standard issue rifle.

Like the climax in the annual Disney sports movie, the M14 has made a sudden comeback. With the rise of anabolic steroids and a need to give democracy at ranges exceeding 400 meters behind islamo-facist cover, the M-14 has met a revival for the great lulz fests of Afghanistan and Iraq. With the excuse of a Designated Marksmen Rifle (DRM) combined with a generations of grunts raised on counterstrike and a whole desert full of people in need of some serious 600 yard democracy, the future for this once forgotten rifle looks brighter than ever.

[edit] Other guns

Cletus done knocked you up. Time for a wedding.
Even Nazis love Israeli weapons manufacturers!Beyond US-issue rifles, you have many options.

[edit] AA-12, Major Pwnage :)
Basically a fully automatic assault shotgun which will rip apart anything, including furries, It uses a 8-round box, 20-round drum, or 40-round drum magazine. It is designed to fire three different types of 12 gauge shells: Buckshot, Slugs, or Frag-12, HOLY SHIT!!(don't forget to try "Dragon's Breath" shells)

MPS also claimed this gun requires zero cleaning or lubrication, but your mum needs lubrication when teh Nazis reap her in the ass.

[edit] HK MP5, spray 'n pray lolololol
So you decided to use one of the following guns from the list to create a lulz fest at your local school and/or place of employment and now you're wondering what's the fuzz is going to be throwing at you when you get to the final level of the game. Five out of ten times when you've got yourself a good score going and you live in an urban area, the swat bunnies will be plugging your socially mis-adjusted body with the HK MP5. Don't despair, the HK MP5, first closed bolt submachine gun with fine Nazi precision pedigree, is the perfect firearm to get mowed down by on national TV. The 9mm ammunition that is uses assures that you won't die too quickly so you can have that dramatic last stand, just like Scarface! Bonus points if you get killed by a beaner wearing shades from behind with a shotgun while you're firing your weapon of choice dramatically in the air as the cops riddle your body with government based lead. (two tec-9's will do too one per hand)

[edit] Colt Model 1911A1, teh best evah!
This emblem of America in carbon steel brought the USA into the 20th Century as the greatest nation on the planet, by killing Islamo-gook fascists in the Philippines by the tribe-load. Those Jihado-faggots thought they were pretty tough, until they met .45 of an inch in righteous hot-lead to the motherfucking sternum. 9mm? America doesn't speak metric, faggot. USA! USA! USA!.

Well, that's what most gun-nuts (as in testicles) will say about it. The pistol is a legend in the USA due to its long service with the military (about 70 years). And given that no one else in the world is allowed to own weapons, this leads it being the most talked about pistol on the webz0rz. Its reputation for accuracy stems mainly for it being bought and riced up for use as IPSC race-guns rather than any inherent virtue in the design itself. Truth be known, the original service pistol was just a big, heavy, single-action motherfucker that was no more accurate than any other pistol of the time, and was only notable for being the first pistol chambered in the gigantic .45 Automatic Colt Pistol round (ACP). But you spend $2000 on after-market parts and you can do anything.

[edit] AK-47, betta than ur dad!
Designed to be easily used by poorly trained conscripts, the AK-47 was spread throughout the world by Stalinism and the Soviet Union's lack of interest in copyright and the stability of nation-states. Made to loose tolerances and using a gas-piston, the rifle is simple in construction and fairly robust, but no more so than any other gas-piston rifle out there. It has great popularity amongst, well, Russias, and guys that want to spree-kill their neighbors. Most that you'll come across in real life are Chinese or Eastern European knock-offs, actual Russian models being rare.

AK-47 vs. M16 threads are woefully common in any weapons-related forum. The usual crap of accuracy vs. reliability is rehashed and fucked up for yet another innings. On many websites, Military Photos and AR-15.net notably, this kind of crap will get you raped by the administrators. You deserve it, you little bastard.

[edit] FN FAL
Big clunky piece of Belgian shit. More like FuckiN' FAiL, amirite? NO-U! The FN FAL pwns all, from Sand Niggers to chinks to Niggers to any other pieces of shit the commies go to fight for them. Firing the same cartridge as the M14, it has one major advantage, it works. The FAL was the west's assault rifle, while the AK-47 was its commie counterpart. Yay democracy!

[edit] .357 Magnum, boom! Headshot
Once you have returned home from killing the entire Viet Kong army, you have become the Pennsylvania state treasurer. You receive bribes and give your friends exclusive million dollar contracts as well as receiving $300,000 kickbacks. When you fuck it up and get convicted; facing 55 years imprisonment, you end it all by blowing your brains out with this baby in front of a live televised press conference. If you want to dramatically kill some one, make sure to shoot him in the lungs closer to the arm to let him live at least a few seconds more (according to wikipedia you feel like "struck by lightning" when shoot at. then let him crawl a little, then shoot him in the heart.

[edit] 10mm Auto
Ownage in the palm of your hand. Packing the power of a .357 into a frame the size of a .45 with the ammo capacity of a 9mm, the 10mm Auto was released to much fanfare. Well, not it wasn't, as noone actually cared. The FBI adopted it briefly before crying that the recoil hurt their wrists, which were sore after they got done 'researching' all those CP websites. Smith & Wesson obliged by creating the .40S&W, which is believed to stand for either "Smith & Wesson", "Short & Weak" or the widely accepted "Shoop & (Da) Woop".

[edit] Deagle is betta than awp camping fags!111!!
In the seventies an American company called Magnum Industries decided to start manufacturing magnum caliber semi-automatic pistols. No one cared. The production rights were then bought out by world champion Arab-killers, Israeli Military Industries. Arnold Schwarzenegger cared, but he's Austrian, so technically no one cared. Then the creators of Counterstrike thought it would be a good idea to include the Desert Eagle .50 Action Express pistol in the game, and soon every nasty little hentai-loving sweaty-handed little pervert bastard in the world had heard of a pistol that could boom! Headshot people on the other side of the map. These little pillow-fuckers then swamped the Internet with their new-found in-depth 'knowledge' of firearms born from the 'realistic' multi-player computer game, much to the disgust of anyone who had ever handled a real firearm in their life. Cries of lol, Deagle soon began shitting up every single board in teh webz, and still do to this very day. Calling the Desert Eagle a Deagle is a quick way to get raped on pretty much every serious firearms website on the tubes, even on those that are considered the equivalent of an AIDS infected gay-bar toilet in Africa (/k/, for example). An 'ironic' use of the meme has now become fairly common, but irony is for faggots.

The Desert Eagle is an over-complicated, heavy, unreliable and very expensive pistol that only collectors bother with. It has limited use in target shooting and pistol hunting, but the .50AE ammunition is so expensive that most people don't care. Other calibers are available, but better pistols in the same calibers are cheaper. You cannot shoot somebody in the head with it from 100m away. No, you can't, ok? Shut up, you little bastard. Clean your room.

[edit] Browning Automatic Rifle M1918 (B.A.R.)
The B.A.R. is a machinegun/rifle hybrid monstrosity that spits out 650 rounds a minute of .30-06 caliber whoopass and it will fuck you up sideways. All the benefits of the M1 Garand with the added bonus of full-automatic fire and a 20 round box magazine, the B.A.R. is useful for liquidating everything from psychotic bitches and various Mack Trucks to Nazis, emos and wapanese. However, its effectiveness on fatasses is not fully known and may need to be supplemented by a bigger fucking gun.

[edit] The Golden Gun
Kills with on bullet. This is partly due to the little known toxicity of gold. When killing IRL, memorize all the respawn points and use the Golden Gun on them before they can fight back.

[edit] Bazooka
Will ruin everything from goths to teenagers to the entire local mall in a glorious explosion of win. A favorite of Counter-Strike O.G.s. They don't like dat shit one-two bit.

[edit] BFG 9000
Teh nub's weapon of choice. Can pwn all the real players on the map in one hit, make them pregnant, then aborts their fetuses. In the military, a soldier who wield a BFG 9000 is designated a "cocksucker", which is a coincidence, since the navy is the only branch that uses the BFG 9000.

[edit] Uzi
The Uzi (Jewspeak: עוזי‎) was invented solely to rape sand nigger babies. Based on the Czechoslovakian series 23 to 26 submachine guns, it is further proof that Jews steal everything. Every American should have two. You have two hands, after all, right? Ironically, it's the preferred weapon of neo-Nazis and skinheads.

[edit] Host Shotgun
The best weapon ever made. One shot from this baby and you;ll explode into a mess of blood, shit and semen. This bitch is so strong, if you shoot somebody's hand, their arms will blow off. Of course, when you do shoot somebody with this gun, they'll scream "Lulz dud3! h05t 5h0tTy! h4X0rz a13rT!!!!11" but who cares because you can kick them off your server and then tell your friends what happened on your myspace blog.

[edit] Vulcan Cannon/ Minigun/ Gatling gun
Not so mini after all! So you want a school shooting with a difference? The 6-barrelled Vulcan can fire 6000 bullets a minute. Bye bye school, jocks, nerds, whores, and emos. The Vulcan Cannon, or its little brother, the Minigun, come in a variety of different flavors, not unlike condoms. Starting with the biggest, baddest motherfucker of all is the GAU-8 Avenger, a 30mm fire-breathing dragon mounted on the A-10 Warthog that fires Depleted Uranium rounds the size of wine bottles and will send whatever it hits (usually tanks) into the great beyond (or hell, if they're bad people.). Somewhat smaller is the M61 Vulcan, firing 20mm armor-piercing rounds that will blast Russkie jets out of the sky when all the missiles are used up. Smaller still is the General Electric M134, known more widely as the "Minigun." First used in the skies over Vietnam to spread freedom and democracy to the gooks, this 7.62mm beast soldiers on today, either as a door gun on the UH-60 Blackhawk, or as a offensive weapon on the versatile MH-6 "Little Bird". The M134 also comes in 5.56mm, if you're too pussy to handle the recoil.

But if you want to kick it old school, look no further than the O.G. Gatling Gun, invented by Dr. Richard Jordan Gatling at least 100 years ago, when Amerrcuh was waging war within its own borders, the Yankees shooting it out with the Rebels. This old warhorse didn't have your fancy electric drive motors. No, you put elbow grease into this antique, and cranked the thing to shoot it. If you can find enough of the obsolete .58 caliber rimfire cartridges to fill the hopper of this old-timer, start cranking away like a mad organ grinder as you royally fuck up someone's day.

[edit] Railguns
Your basic railgun propels atoms in one direction at the speed of reality, enabling them to fire a sheet of A4 paper through a tank. The primary function of the railgun is irritating people.

Bigger than that is the particle accelerator, which was invented by NRA scientists who were bored of just blowing atoms up, and wanted to be able to shoot them too. The biggest of them all is the Large Hadron Collider, and it's going to FUCKING KILL US ALL.

[edit] Nukes
Pure thermonuclear pwnage. In a bag. Well, a bomb. Mostly found/bought in the middle east and Russia. Just the thought of nukes terrified your parents generation.

Fun experiment 4 kidz:

Get nuke.
Get Israel.
Combine.
????
Profit!
[edit] In Regard to Sword Myths

Sword always fails to guns.Guns have replaced this archaic simpleton weapon for a good many reasons:

Myth: Swords are more honorable than guns, case-in-point, Ninjas, Samurai, and Jedi used swords instead of guns.
FACT: Anyone claiming the above is obviously a cultureless, fucking Wapanese and needs to commit Hari kiri, die of AIDS or become an hero. Ninjas were fags anyway, and the Samurai DID use them before the superior white man wiped them out. Jedi are fucking imaginary wizards anyway.
Myth: You can block bullets with your sword if you are skilled enough.
FACT: You cannot block bullets with your sword. If you are skilled enough to do so, go out and prove it.
Myth: You don't have to reload a sword, therefore you can use it forever.
FACT: You must constantly wipe your sword clean of blood and sharpen it, otherwise it will chip and rust away, and then you will have to find your local smithey to forge you a new one. Or you can save up your lunch money and buy another sword off eBay instead of buying that new manga you've been fapping over.
Myth: Guns are cowardly because you can kill people from far away; swords are the only weapons that take real skill to use.
FACT: Hacking and slicing away takes too much effort, when you can just sit back, relax and start obliterating Wapanese hordes with your M249 SAW. More importantly, using a gun IRL takes more skill than any Wapanese could ever possess.
Myth: You can run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him with your sword before he even gets his gun out.
FACT: You can try to run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him before he even gets his gun out, but unfortunately that broadsword you bought from eBay weighs fifty pounds and your effete wrists just aren't meant to handle such a burden.
Myth: But swords have the element of surprise!
FACT: Sure, element of surprise, until you hear the sneaky Samurai dragging a heavy ass chunk of metal around behind you, giving you plenty of time to aim, cock your hammer and shoot him. Sniping is also an effective method against those pesky ninjas, Samurai and pedos. Also, those who insist that guns have no element of surprise have never heard of something called a silencer.
Chances are, anyone who tries to insist that swords are better than guns is probably Wapanese and has had their brain destroyed by anime. If so, it's legally (and morally) required to challenge them to a gun vs sword duel at at least 100 paces. Three seconds and one smoking shell casing later the world will be a slightly better place.

[edit] An asian prepares to go to school
[edit] NRA

Typical NRA member.Formed in 1871, the NRA was established to give White racists, gun-loving soccer moms, confederate-flag hangover-having rednecks and master debaters the ability to focus their God-given talents on something much more important: shooting fgts, Muslims and 50 cent. The most noted savior of the NRA was Charlton Heston, who proved in the movie 'Planet of the Apes' the best reason for us to have guns is to defend ourselves from Ninjas. Then recently Heston's pool was closed due to AIPS. By pool we mean his body.

Totally ignoring studies done with pinko bleeding-heart sciences, like "psychology," "sociology," and "political science," this group holds that guns are good. Guns can even revive arrogant white men of their manhood (and win them equally arrogant and trashy women).

Saving us from the tyrannical grip of people who support gun control, like that god awful boring Noam Chomsky, the NRA is always doing its duty, despite the efforts of people who claim to "hate violence" (more like Big "Gun control" brother, amirite?)

[edit] Who Uses Guns???
[edit] Niggers
It is a fact that all jiggaboos own guns. However, 99% of guns used by niggers are shitty. Even if you do see a nig-nog carrying a good, reliable gun, there is no need to fear. As jiggaboos are not fully evolved and do not have prehensile thumbs, their marksmanship skills are lacking. They mostly use their guns to rape white women at gunpoint. No big deal.

The few jiggaboos who do fire their guns move to Sudan and perform acts of genocide. Again, no big deal.

[edit] Beaners
Just kidding, beaners only use switchblades.

[edit] Injuns
Disgruntled injuns, otherwise known as prairie niggers, stole or bought guns from the white man to keep their casinos safe and keep people off of the two acres landfills they call reservations. Srsly, noone is going to steal your beef jerky Geronimo.

[edit] Faggots
Fudgepacking fags use guns to kill themselves after being disowned by their fathers. This works out well as it helps prevent the spread of AIDS. Some hellbout fgts keep these guns around in case they happen to run into Fred Phelps. However due to their raw, undiluted, effeminate faggotry, and the fact that guns is masculine and based around win, not fail, these fags are no real use at maintaining, loading, aiming or even firing a gun. Maybe they should stick to buttsecks as their main method of attack. Fags.

[edit] Arabs
All Arabs, otherwise known as sand niggers, own AK-47s, because they're the only guns that they can afford, especially at Russian prices. However, many sand niggers prefer box cutters and hijacking airplanes over using their AKs.

[edit] Jews
Jews do not use guns - they manufacture them as a part of their evil plot to make the world a more violent place. The only exception is the Israeli CIA, also known as Mossad, also known as the only frightening Jews you will ever meet in person. They can fuck a Palestinian up 4srs.

[edit] Armenians
Stockpile guns of various applications in their vast underground burrows, in preparation for when the the Turks come back, or failing that, when the time comes to wage war on the government.

[edit] Whites
Use their guns for leisurely activities such as hunting quail, geese, faggots, dove, their wives, pheasant, deer, jiggaboos, and turkey. White people have a piece of paper that they call "the second amendment" which states that it is their duty to buy and own as many guns as possible. This can a source of drama and butthurt for many whites, who consider this piece of paper to be some very serious business.

[edit] Asians
Geeky chinks use guns as props in videos if they aren't zerg rushing their school. What facilitators of social change!

[edit] Mitchel Henderson
This is implicit.

Warhammer 40k quotes

"Stars were once lit and extinguished by at our command, and you still dare to defy us?"

"There is no such thing as a plea of innocence in my court. A plea of innocence is guilty of waisting my time. Guilty."

"Excuses are the refuge for the weak."

"A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords at dawn"

'Do not ask which creature screams in the night,Do not ask who waits for you in the shadow,It is my voice you hear in the night,and it is my body that lurks in the shadow,for I am Tzeentch, and you are the puppet,that dances to my tune..'

"There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt"

"We are not your worst nightmare... we are your every nightmare"

"Who is to judge what is right and what is wrong? Great and powerful foes surround us; unknown miscreants gnaw at us from within. We are threatened with total annihilation. In days such as these we can afford no luxury of morality."


A good soldier obeys without question. A good officer commands without doubt.

A man can remake the world if he has a dream and no facts to cloud his mind.

Anyone who will not fight by your side is an enemy you must crush.

Camouflage is the colour of fear.

Faith is the sturdiest armour. Hatred the surest weapon.

Faith without deeds is worthless.

For a warrior the only crime is cowardice.

For those who seek perfection there can be no rest this side of the grave.

Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.

If a job's worth doing, it's worth dying for.

If you want peace, prepare for war.

In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war.

Innocence proves nothing.

Inspiration grows from the barrel of a gun.

It causes me constant pain. I would not have it any other way, for it serves as a remainder against complacency.

It is better to die for the Emperor than to live for yourself.

Knowledge is power, hide it well.

Only in death does duty end.

Only the awkward question; only the foolish ask twice.

Pain is an illusion of the senses, despair is an illusion of the mind.

Prayer cleanses the soul, but pain cleanses the body.

Sometimes the good must perish so that the rest survive.

The ends always justify the means.

The Known is but a shadow of the Knowable.

The rewards of tolerance are treachery and betrayal.

There is nothing to fear but failure.

There is nothing to fear except fear itself.

Tolerance is a sign of weakness

Victory needs no explanation, defeat allows none.

We are Last Chancers. If in doubt, shoot it.

We ask only to serve.

What can a man know of the Universe that knows not his own mind.

What is the terror of death? That we die, our work incomplete. What is the joy of life? To die,
knowing our task is done.

“The uniforms of the Imperial Guard are camouflaged in order to protect their wearers by hiding them from sight.

The principle is that what the enemy cannot see he cannot kill. This is not the way of the Adeptus Astartes. A Space Marine’s armour is bright with heraldry that proclaims his devotion to his Chapter and the beloved Emperor of Mankind. Our principle is that what the enemy can see, he will soon learn to fear…”
+++ Chaplain Aston, 10th Company, Fire Hawks Chapter +++

“If I were a proper brother-captain, I would know the prayer we are supposed to say. But I think you all know what we have to do. We do not know what our chances of survival are, so we fight as if they were zero. We do not know what we are facing, so we fight as if it was the dark gods themselves. No one will remember us now and we may never be buried beneath Titan, so we will build our own memorial here. The Chapter might lose us and the Imperium might never know we existed, but the Enemy - the Enemy will know. The Enemy will remember. We will hurt it so bad that it will never forget us until the stars burn out and the Emperor vanquishes it at the end of time. When Chaos is dying, its last thought will be of us. That is our memorial - carved into the heart of Chaos. We cannot lose, Grey Knights. We have already won.”
~Acting-Brother-captain Alaric of the Grey Knights

“You are not free whose liberty is won by the rigour of other, more righteous souls. Your are merely protected. Your freedom is parasitic, you suck the honourable man dry and offer nothing in return. You who have enjoyed freedom, who have done nothing to earn it, your time has come. This time you will stand alone and fight for yourselves. Now you will pay for your freedom in the currency of honest toil and human blood.”
- Inquisitor Czevak Address to the Council of Ryanti

Our end is come. But what an end! We have been given the most precious gift: a chance to roar our defiance into the foes that overwhelms us with their numbers. Let the Emperor himself hear our final battle cry! Forward warriors of the Guard, and die like the heroes that you are!
~Last speech of Colour Sargeant Kint, before the annhilation of the Braxian 9th, in the Luxxan Campaign against the Orks

“I give men dreams and men are led by their dreams.”- Lord Commander Solar Macharius

“Every man is a spark in the darkness. by the time he is noticed he is gone forever. A retinal after-image that fades and is obscured by newer, brighter lights.”

A good general does not lead an army to destruction just because he knows it will follow.A good soldier obeys without question. A good officer commands without doubt.

A mind without purpose will wander in dark places.

A small mind is a tidy mind.

A small mind is easily filled with faith.

All untruths are sedition.

An empty mind is a loyal mind.

Be strong in your ignorance.

Better crippled in body than corrupt in mind.

Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.

Carry the Emperor’s Will as your torch, with it destroy the shadows.

Cease and Repent.

Crush the unholy in all of their many guises.

Damnation is Eternal.

Death is the servant of the righteous.

Destroy the impure.

Doubt is the open gate through which slips the most fatal of enemies.

Even a heretic may repent and in his death be saved.

A traitor is forever damned.

Every man is expected to work his fingers to the bone to accomplish the task in hand. And if that proves insufficient, he shall work them to the marrow!

Examine your thoughts.

Excuses are the refuge of the weak.

Exitus Acta Probat: The outcome justifies the deed.

Extreme remedies are most appropriate for extreme diseases.

Faith in the Emperor is its own reward.

Faith is the sturdiest armour.

Hatred the surest weapon.

Faith without deeds is worthless.

Fear me, for I am your apocalypse.

Fear not the creatures of the jungle but those that lurk within your mind.

Follow me if I advance. Kill me is I retreat. Avenge me if I die.

Form follows content.

Guns and warriors are useful but it is our indomitable will that promises the ultimate victory.

Hatred is eternal.

He who lives for nothing is nothing. He who dies for the Emperor is a hero.He who loses a limb lives on. He who loses his head does not.He who seizes the moment, he is the right man.

Honour, duty & obedience.

Hope is the beginning of unhappiness.

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth dying for!

If you want peace, prepare for war.

Ignorance is a virtue.I

gnorance is no excuse

.In failure are the seeds of Heresy sown.

Information is power.

Innocence proves nothing.

Know thine enemy.

Know your destination before you set out.

Knowledge is power, guard it well.

Let faith light the darkness of your soul.

No battle was every won that was poorly planned. No plan ever succeeded that was poorly conceived.

No man that died in the Emperor’s service died in vain.

Nobody is innocent, there are merely varying degrees of guilt.

Not even the dead know the end of war.

Nothing can hide from the wrath of the Emperor.

One man can start a landslide with the casting of a single pebble.

Only the lost understand true terror.

Peace is hell.

Peace? There cannot be peace in these times.

Perseverance and silence are the highest virtues.

Prayer cleanses the soul, but pain cleanses the body.

Purge the unclean.

Purity is not your best defence; it is your only defence.

Retribution stalks the heretic from afar.

Seek reward in service alone.S

erve the Emperor today, for tomorrow you may be dead.

Sorrow awaits the foolhardy.

Strength through unity.Strive Harder.Study the Alien, the better to kill it.

Success is commemorated. Failure is merely remembered.

Suffer not the Alien.

That which is unknown and unseen always commands the greatest fear.

The Cosmos cry out for salvation.

The dead watch over us and guide us.

The difference between heresy and treachery is ignorance.

The Emperor knows, the Emperor is watching.

The end justifies the means.

The enemy of man lies in his own blood.

The only true achievement is purity.

The population needs deception, so deceive them.

The road to purity is drenched in the blood of the martyred.

The wage of negligence is utter destruction.

The wise man learns from the deaths of others.

There is no art more beautiful and diverse than the art of Death.

There is no salvation without suffering.

There is only the Emperor and he is our shield and protector.

Though the artificers of Evil are many, a bolter round kills just as assuredly.

Thought begets heresy: Heresy begets retribution.

To live in peace is to know death, to die in battle is to know peace.

Tolerance is a sign of weakness.

Trust no one else and trust yourself less

.Trust to your faith.

War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength.

Wisdom is the beginning of fear.

Zeal is no excuse.

Quotes from the Imperium

Quotes from the Inquisition

Heresy is like a tree, its roots lie in the darkness whilst its leaves wave in the sun and to those who suspect nought, it has an attractive and pleasing appearance. Truly, you can prune away its branches, or even cut the tree to the ground, but it will grow up again ever the stronger and ever more comely. Yet all awhile the root grows thick and black, gnawing at the bitter soil, drawing its nourishment from the darkness, and growing even greater and more deeply entrenched. Such is the nature of heresy, and this is why it is so hard to destroy, for it must be eradicated leaf, branch, trunk and root. It must be exorcised utterly or it will return all the stronger, time and time again, until it is too great to destroy. Then we are doomed.
- Inquisitor Lord Galan Noirgrim Master of the Ordo Malleus, prelude to the Abominatus. (40k2 Wargear Book p55)

We are at war with forces too terrible to comprehend. We cannot afford mercy for any of its victims too weak to take the correct course. Mercy destroys us; it weakens us and saps our resolve. Put aside all such thoughts. They are not worthy of Inquisitors in the service of Our Emperor. Praise his name for in our resolve we only reflect his purpose of will.
- Book of Exorcisms, The verses of Inquisitor Enoch. (Realm of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness, 40k2 Codex Chaos p67)
You are not free whose liberty is won by the rigour of other, more righteous souls. Your are merely protected. Your freedom is parasitic, you suck the honourable man dry and offer nothing in return. You who have enjoyed freedom, who have done nothing to earn it, your time has come. This time you will stand alone and fight for yourselves. Now you will pay for your freedom in the currency of honest toil and human blood."
- Inquisitor Czevak Address to the Council of Ryanti (4ok2 Codex Imperialis p37)

Some may question your right to destroy ten billion people. Those who understand realise that you have no right to let them live...
- Officio Exterminatum In Exterminatus Extremis

In an Imperium of a million worlds, what is the death of one world in the cause of purity?
Inquisition credo

You must face the truth squarely and without flinching from duty. Our Enemies are mortal no longer. Mercy for such as they is a chimera, self-deception is its only ally. Dedicate this weapon, given unto your hand at the behest of the Emperor, to their destruction. Regard its function as your only duty: you live only to bring cleansing fire. Take up your rod and staff, your armour and psycannon, and go forth.
Lectures to the Ordo (Malleus), Inquisitor Historical Galbus Heer (Realm of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness)

With the thrice-damned renegades of lewd Slaanesh, your well-tried techniques of forceful inquisition will serve you ill. These voluptuaries and heretics that debase themselves before their so-called Lord of Dark Delights are not to be unburdened of their lisping truths by subtle pressures or the keen probing of your instruments. Conspiring against all decency even in such matters, these libertines take pleasure from our inquiries, debauching themselves with inhuman dissolution upon the racks and wheels of Verity. For these abominations, other methods are required...
The Teachings of Inquisitor Magnus (Realm of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness)

The creatures of the Warp have but one trait with which you need concern yourself - their undying contempt for the Emperor. It is your task to quell the rebellion they preach, and the only sure way is to destroy them utterly.
attributed to Qualtak Shoran, Inquisitor (Realm of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness)

The nature of Chaos is deceit - unless one looks past surface impressions, one can never hope to divine the purpose of the enemy.
Inquisitor Silas Hand

They have only one purpose and there is nothing they will not do to accomplish this, no matter how vile or loathsome it might be. These abominations mean to destroy everything proud and noble, everything we hold dear and have fought so long to achieve.
Inquisitor Agmar on Tyranids

He who allows the alien to live,shares its crime of existence.
Inquisitor Apollyon

Know thine enemy.You are known to him already
Sermon Primaris, the Ordo Xenos

Once you tell us what we need we can dispose of you and all this will end. Until then, we own you and will do with you as we see fit. You are an object now. You are a receptacle for knowledge that we will wring out of you. That process will be easier if you co-operate. You ceased to be a human being when you betrayed your species and your Emperor, the only way out for you is death. I can make it quick but those who come after me will not be so generous.
Inquisitor Nyxos of the Ordo Malleus, during the interrogation of the 'rogue' Inquisitor Ligeia

You get more with a kind word and an excruciator than just a kind word
Inquisitor Malden

Quotes from the Imperium

To be Unclean
That is the mark of the Mutant
To be Impure
That is the mark of the Mutant
To be Abhorred
That is the mark of the Mutant
To be Reviled
That is the mark of the Mutant
To be Hunted
That is the mark of the Mutant
To be Purged
That is the fate of the Mutant
To be Cleansed
For that is the fate of all Mutants
~Extract from a Training Chant in the First Book of Indoctrinations (Warhammer 40,000 Rogue Trader)

The enemies of the Emperor fear many things. They fear discovery, defeat, despair and death. Yet there is one thing they fear above all others. They fear the wrath of the Space Marines.
Anonymous

This is as my Master told it to me and now I tell it thee.There are a billion names of damnation! A billion kinds of things that slither and slime and defile the land and sea and wind. Each thing is a kind of sin spawned by man's evil. And that man is very sinful there are many of these damned things and their power is great.As the purpose of all things in nature is to increase so it is with the damned. They would we joined them and so they seek to overcome us. In alien forms they assault us. In sleep they come to spread doubt and fear among us. They would corrupt our hearts and see us damned too. Trust them not nor suffer them to live.For each alien destroyed is a soul freed from eternal bondage. Each mortal alien life extinguished is a human soul raised to glory. Thus our eternal destiny is written in the blood of the alien.With sword and spear destroy the alien. With cannon shot and gun blast smash the alien. With laser beam and searing plasma scatter the alien to the stars. With tooth and fist and hammer blows, with axe and shell and poison-bombs, with virus-charge and thermal mines!Kill them! Kill them! Kill them all!As my Master told it me I now tell it thee that thou shalt tell others in thy turn.
Anonymous

BY THE EMPEROR
*Thou shalt attend to thy work at the appointed hour
*Thou shalt seek no reward but the satisfaction of thy Master
*Thou shalt know thy Duties
*Thou shalt Obey thy Master in all matters
*Thou shalt rejoice in thy Service
*Thou shalt be grateful of thy Master's Favour
*Thou shalt not make improper use of thy Master's comm-links, nor his las-lines, nor his opticon either
*Thou shalt be glad of thy Master's punishment, for it is deserved, and it improves thee
*Thou shalt not speak but Praise of thy Master
*Thou shalt not look upon the words of the Heretic nor speak of them
Ecclesiarchal Proscriptions, MCXVII.IV

Spiritus dominatus,Domine, libra nos,
From the lightning and the tempest,Our Emperor deliver us.
From plague, deceit, temptation and war,Our Emperor deliver us,
From the scourge of the Kraken,Our Emperor deliver us.
From the blasphemy of the Fallen,Our Emperor deliver us,
From the begetting of demons,Our Emperor deliver us,
From the curse of the mutant,Our Emperor deliver us,
A morte perpetua,Domine, libra nos
.That thou wouldst bring them only death,
That thou shouldst spare none,
That thou shouldst pardon none,
We beseech thee, destroy them.
The Fede Imperialis, battle-hymn of the Adepta Sororitas

The strength of the Emperor is Humanity, and the strength of Humanity is the Emperor. If one turns from the other we shall all become the Lost and the Damned.
The Sermons of Sebastian Thor, Vol. XXVII Ch. LXII

A single man of faith can triumph over a legion of the faithless. Untold billions of the faithful can never be opposed.
The Sermons of Sebastian Thor, Vol. XI, Ch. IV

The Emperor is our father and our guardian, but we must also protect the Emperor.
The Sermons of Sebastian Thor, Vol. XVI, Ch. I

No Army is big enough to conquer the galaxy. But faith alone can overturn the universe.
Ecclesiarch Deacis IX

Prayer may cleanse the soul, but pain cleanses the body. Both are necessary for the survival of humanity.
Confessor Ganinimus.

Love the Emperor,For he is the salvation of Mankind.Obey His words,for He will lead you into the light of the future.Heed His wisdom,for He will protect you from evil.Whisper His prayers with devotion,for they will salve your soul.Honour His servants,for they speak in His voice.Tremble before His majesty,for we all walk in His immortal shadow.
Imperial Hymnal

Depot commander Vhotin: Authority must be respected. Orders are sacrosanct! Hekate disobeyed! Better that...Ervin Hekate: B-better that this depot and every Imperial life in it had fallen than I disobeyed your order?Vhotin: As the Emperor is my judge... Yes.
The trial of Ervin Hekate

I tread the path of Righteousness. Though it be paved with broken glass, I shall walk it barefoot; though it crosses rivers of fire, I will pass over them; though it wanders wide, the light of the Emperor guides my step.
Confessor Dolan of Chiros - Sermon on the road to Gathalamor

They live there in that great plascrete tower surrounded by walls and razor wire, only emerging to seize some unfortunate who has transgressed against the Imperial Laws or to patrol the city to prove that it belongs to them. There are crystal lenses and sound wave detectors on that tower that can watch citizens or listen to their conversations 100 leagues away. Imperial spy satellites watch what they can't see directly and even the Governor fears them. They aren't from here and have nothing to do with us, no more than Orks or Eldar, if they have families or children we don't know about them and we don't care. They wouldn't so much as buy a glowbulb from us and we wouldn't sell it to them. It's ironic that they have the rather benevolent title of Arbitrators.
Vorkas Zolowski, prior to his arrest for pernicious sedition against the Emperor of Mankind

Without the Dark, there can be no Light.
We have PurposeWithout the Lie, there can be no Truth.
We have PurposeWithout the war, there can be no Victory
We have PurposeWithout the Death, there can be no sacrifice.
We have PurposeWithout the Hope, there can be no Future.
We have PurposeWithout the Loyalty, there can be no Chapter.
We have PurposeWithout the Emperor, there is nothing...and we would have no Purpose
Ritual and Responses, Tome of Truths Foretold, Legiones Astartes Library copy

The Daemonic leads two crimes. You turn away from the path of righteousness and you abandon the Emperor as the object of your devotion. For the first death is merely a just retribution. The second is a Heresy so terrible that no punishment can be sufficient. Yet the search for an appropriate penalty continues, and it shall be found.
Ecclesiarch Issus (Realm of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness)

Diligence earns salvation.
Administratum slogan

The Emperor's Eye is upon you.
Administratum slogan

The Emperor is our father and our guardian. But we must also guard the Emperor. For He is all Humankind, and Humankind is no more than its faith and diligence in the Emperor's name. An injury to that faith is an injury to the Emperor and to every citizen of the Imperium. It is through affirmation of that faith that our greatest duty lies, but sometimes mere affirmation does not suffice and we must act against those who would harm the faith of humanity through heresy. For we are engaged in an unending war for the soul of the Imperium. Though it may seem the fight will never end, there is victory even in the defeat we see threatening all around.There is no greater proclamation of faith than to offer up our very lives to guard the soul of humanity. In this we win a victory greater in magnitude than the harm that any heretic can inflict, and so every battle is a shining triumph that the traitor and the apostate can never take away from us.
Dying words of Saint Mina, patron of the Order of the Bloody Rose

Know the enemy not and the battle cannot be won. Know the enemy too much and the battle will be doubly lost.
Lord Admiral Ravensburg, Naval Maxims Vol. IX

Every man is expected to work his fingers to the bone to accomplish the task in hand. And if that proves insufficient, he shall work them to the marrow!
First Standing Order of Captain (later Admiral) Krassus

To live is to sin, and to be a sinner is to be cleansed. Only the fiery wrath of the Emperor, as pronounced and executed by His mortal followers, can save humanity from destroying itself in a morass of carnal wantonness and tolerant servitude to those who have been corrupted. The Redemptionists will bring fire and they will bring death, and those that oppose them are sinners themselves for they seek to shield the dark and the unholy from the righteous works of the Redemptionists. Repent and join, or be cursed and die.
Redemptionist Creed

A man's flight is in itself sufficient reason for the presumption of his guilt. And by shortening your life, I am saving you from committing more sins and thus receiving even greater punishment. But...if you are innocent, accept your fate with resignation... and thank me for rewarding you with a martyr's crown.
Klovis Cawdor, the Redeemer of Necromunda

What is the strongest weapon of mankind? The god-machines of the Adeptus Mechanics? No! The Astartes Legions? No! The tank? The lasgun? The fist? No to all! Courage, and courage alone stands above them all!
Lord Solar Macharius

I have a reputation, Modile, a reputation as a fair, honest man who treats his soldiers well and supports them in the face of darkness. Potentially, that reputation makes me soft. It seems I understand failure and forgive it. Some, like Kowle, believe me to be a weak commissar, not prepared to take the action my rank demands. Not prepared to enforce field discipline where I see it failing. I am an Imperial commissar. I will enflame the weak, support the wavering, guide the lost. I will be all things to all men who need me. But I will also punish without hesitation the weak, the incompetent, and the treasonous.
Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt shortly before Colonel Modile's summary execution

If the road is easy, the destination is worthless.
Saint Sabbat during her pilgrimage to unite the Sabbat Worlds

On the Shores of Marik, my friends, the fathers of our fathers made a stand under the flag of Belladon. Did they break and run? Yes! But only in their minds. They ran to friendly places and loved ones, where they could be safe.. and then, by the providence of the God-Emperor, they saw what those friendly places and loved ones would become if they did not stand fast, and so stand fast they did! How do you feel? Belladon blood is like wine on the Emperor's lips! Belladon souls have a special place at his side! If we spill our blood here today, then this is the soil He has chosen to bless and anoint! Oh, lucky land! Stand firm and fire, my friends, stand firm and fire! If they're going to have our precious blood, then they'll find the cost is dearer than they can afford! Fury of Belladon! Fury! Fury!"
Commissar Genady Novobazky of the Belladon Eighty First First, rallying his men before their
last stand against the forces of Chaos on Ancreon Sextus

Men united in the purpose of the Emperor are blessed in his sight and shall live forever in his memory.
Ecclesiarch Deacis

Our end is come. But what an end! We have been given the most precious gift: a chance to roar our defiance into the foes that overwhelms us with their numbers. Let the Emperor himself hear our final battle cry! Forward warriors of the Guard, and die like the heroes that you are!
Last speech of Colour Sergeant Kint, before the annihilation of the Braxian 9th, in the Luxxan Campaign against the Orks

Competence on the battle field is a myth. The side which screws up next to last wins, it's as simple as that.
Lord General Zyvan

I don't care how bloody sanctioned they are, a psyker's a psyker, and anything to do with the warp is more trouble than it's worth.
General Karis

If your battle plan's working, it's probably a trap.
Kolton Phae, On Military Matters, 739 M41

Quotes from the Adeptus Mechanicus

Blessed be the coruscating plasma of the engine room,Spiritus Machina protect us from thy burning doom.Harness unto our will the power of light,Let conduit and coil work alright.
Catechism of the Engin-Seer

Strike the first rune upon the engine’s casing employing the chosen wrench. Its tip should be anointed with the oil of engineering using the proper incantation when the auspices are correct.Strike the second rune upon the engine’s casing employing the arc-tip of the power driver.If the second rune is not good, a third rune may be struck in a manner like unto the first. This is done according to the true ritual laid down by Scotti the Engin-Seer.A libation should be offered.If this sequence is properly observed the engines may be brought to full activation by depressing the large panel marked ‘ON’.
Runic Spaceflight - An Introduction, Naval Flight Manual W110E

Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to deliver us from danger.Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to invest this metal carcass with your spirit.Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to bring life unto the inanimate.Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to summon forth the holy en-Djinn
Incantation of the Mechanicus

Toll the Great Bell Once!Pull the Lever forward to engage thePiston and Pump...Toll the Great Bell Twice!With Push of Button fire the Engineand spark Turbine into life...Toll the Great Bell Thrice!Sing Praise to theGod of All Machines!
Catechism of the Autoculus of Mars

Mechanism, I restore thy spirit. Let the God-Machine breathe half-life unto thy veins and render thee functional.
Lakius Danzager

The Machine is strong. We must purge the weak, hated flesh and replace it with the blessed purity of metal. Only through permanence can we truly triumph, only through the Machine can we find victory. Punish the flesh! Iron in mind and body! Hail the Machine!
Paullian Blantar, Iron Father of the Kaargul Clan Company, Iron Hands Chapter
When uttering the incantation, mark well that the rod is upon and not within the intake. The second incantation should not be uttered until all the fumes have come forth, then the way shall be clear for the sacred words to penetrate unto the heart of the engine. If the mounting be hot say the third rune, if it be cold the fourth rune is more appropriate. For then the wrath of the engine will be aroused...
The Book of Five Runes

Quotes from the Adeptus Astartes

Why not arm the bastards and have them win us a few bloody worlds between the verses?!
Leman Russ on Remembrancers

Only in the Space Marines of the Legiones Astartes are courage and expertise perfectly blended. In other troops they are present in varying degrees and proportions, and many scholars have debated their relative merits.For my own part, I come down on the side of courage. For courage makes a virtue of inexperience. I myself have commanded Imperial Guard troops whose probitor units have achieved great things, because their courage was infinite and because they were too inexperienced to realise that their goal was impossible.
Leman Russ, De Natura Belli Book XIV

Do not underestimate the Squats. They survived for millenia cut off from the Imperium and assailed from all sides. Their determination and resilience is an example to all.
Leman Russ, Meditations on Imperial Command, Book XVI

The man that at one time whose exploits were told in all the corners of the galaxy, the same man who saved my life countless times and I was proud to call my brother is now pounding at our gates and screaming about making the galaxy burn. Well, I tell you my brothers and sisters, we'll give him and my other traitorous brothers a battle they won't forget! We will not step back! We will suffer cowards and traitors of their ilk no more! We will make it so that that after we've obliterated their first waves, their reinforcements will have to land on mountains of their own dead troops!
Rogal Dorn's speech to the amassed armies of Terra prior to the Siege of Terra during the Horus Heresy.

Give me a hundred Space Marines; or failing that, a thousand other troops.
Rogal Dorn

After the orbital strikes, Thunderhawk bombardments, Whirlwinds, Vindicators, fusion and starfire and finally Battle Brothers with flamers had finished cleansing the world of all the enemies of Man, we built a monastery in the center of the largest, most radioactive impact crater. We named the planet "Tranquility", for it was very quiet now.
Brother Vlad Carthas

To admit defeat is to blaspheme against the Emperor.
Roboute Guilliman, Primarch of the Ultramarines

They shall be pure of heart and strong of body, untainted by doubt and unsullied by self-aggrandisement. They will be bright stars in the firmament of battle. Angels of Death whose shining wings bring swift annihilation to the enemies of Man. So it shall be for a thousand times a thousand years, unto the very end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh.
Roboute Guilliman on the Space Marines

As our bodies are armoured with adamantium, our souls are protected with loyalty. As our bolters are charged with death for the Emperor's enemies, our thoughts are charged with wisdom. As our ranks advance, so does our devotion, for are we not Space Marines? Are we not the chosen of the Emperor, his loyal servants unto death?
Chaplain Fergas Nils

What is it that gives us purpose?War.What is it that gives war purpose?To vanquish the foes of the Emperor.Who are the foes of the Emperor?The heretic, the alien, and the mutant.What is it to be an enemy of the Emperor?It is to be damned.What is the instrument of the Emperor’s damnation?We, the Space Marines, the angels of death.What is it to be a Space Marine?It is to be pure, to be strong, to show no pity, nor mercy, nor remorse.What is it to be pure?To never know fear, to never waiver in the fight.What is it to be strong?To fight on when others flee; to stand and die in the knowledge that death brings the ultimate reward.What is the ultimate reward?To serve the Emperor.Whom do we serve?We serve the Emperor and the Lion, and through them we serve mankind.What is it to be Dark Angels?It is to be the first, the honoured, the sons of the Lion.What is our Quest?To purge our shame through the death of those who turned from the Lion.What is our victory?To remake that which was broken, to earn the trust of the Emperor once more.And what is the fate of the Fallen we hunt?Retribution and Death!
Be pure in mind, body and spirit. As the water flows over you, let your hate flow through you. As the lost water is spilt, let us spill the blood of our foes. As the water dries, let us harden our hearts to fear. We are the Dark Angels, the chosen of the Emperor, the holy knights of Caliban. The blood of the Lion flows through our veins. His strength beats in our hearts. His spirit resides within us.
Dark Angels' Litany

Look to your battle-gearand it will protect you
We guard it with our lives
Your armour is your Soul,and your Soul's dedication its armour
The soul of a warrior is theshield of humanity
Honour the craft of death
Only the Emperor is higherin our devotion
Honour the battle-gear of the Dead
We ask only to serve
Part of the Warrior's Catechism of Worship

DE MORTUIS NIL NISI BONUM!
Chaplain Claussel

Victory does not always rest with the big guns: but, if we rest in front of them, we shall be lost.
Commander Argentius, Adeptus Astartes Silver Skulls (Rogue Trader)

While vile mutants still draw breath, there can be no peace. While obscene heretics' hearts still beat, there can be no respite. While faithless traitors still live, there can be no forgiveness.
Legiones Astartes Silver Skulls' Catechism of Hate, Verse I of XXV

Do not ask, 'Why kill the alien?'Rather ask, 'Why not?'
Battle Brother Artemis of the Deathwatch

There is nothing in the arcane and blasphemous arsenal of the forces of Chaos that can compare to faith. With the power of faith, our weapons become shining instruments of deliverance that can cleave the mightiest daemon in twain. With the power of faith, our minds appear as slivers of pure agony to the daemon, driving into the wretched forms of those who would dare stand before us. With the power of faith, our words become commands that cause the daemon to cower and cringe in terror. I could meet my enemies unarmed without a shred of fear in my chest, for I know that the Emperor watches over me and guides my hand. So let them come. We shall show them what the power of faith can do.
Brother-Captain Stern of the Grey Knights

A moment of Laxity spawns a lifetime of heresy. Never forgive, never forget.
Codex: Dark Angels, pg. 5

I stand before you, the Holder of the Keys. A great many of the mysteries of our Order are known to me. Our secrets are laid bare before my eyes.It is I and I alone who can grant passage to our most inner circle, who can judge the weak from the strong, the truth from the falsehood. I alone bear the Book of Salvation, the sacred record of out unforgiven past and of the tortuous road we have trodden to absolve our great sin. I alone know the names of all those who have Fallen from the Emperor's grace and been returned to him, through the repentance of the soul or absolution of the body.I alone bear these most terrible burdens, for on my shoulders sit the sins of the Dark Angels Legion and I cannot rest while they still remain to stain our honour.
Ezekiel, Grand Master of Librarians, Keeper of the Book of Salvation, Dark Angels
Forget your past life. From this day on you are simply a Dark Angel - nothing else is of consequence. The Chapter is all that matters.
Commander Azrael, Supreme Grand Master of the Dark Angels

I am the hammer, I am the right hand of my Emperor, the instrument of His will, the gauntlet about His fist, the tip of His spear, the edge of His sword...
Grand Master Mandulis of the Grey Knights

Brothers! For vengeance! For purity! In hatred be strong, in valour be sure!, In vengeance be foremost!, In suffering! In glory!
Tancred and his squad of the Grey Knight Terminators

Et Imperator Invocato Diabolus Daemonica Exorcism
-Last 6 words of the Grey Knight's Canticles of Absolution p.62 Codex Daemonhunters

Quotes from the followers of Chaos

Who pledged his loyalty?
The Warmaster
Whom did we serve in faith?
The Warmaster
From whom did we take our name?
The Warmaster
Who was denied to us?
The Warmaster
But whom shall we remake?
The Warmaster
And who shall lead us to victory?
The Warmaster
Black Legion Catechism

Blood for the Blood God, Skulls for the Skull Throne!
Khornate battle cry

The strong are strongest alone.
Lufgt Huron, the Tyrant of Badab (Rogue Trader)

Though my guards may sleep and ships may rest at anchor, our foes know full well that big guns never tire
Lufgt Huron, the Tyrant of Badab (Rogue Trader)

Each of the Legions has now nominated aspirants seeking to throw themselves upon our mercy in the vain hope that we may deem them worthy to join our ranks. Those loyal to the shrunken corpse on Terra still cling to their own processes by which perhaps one in a hundred neophytes may survive to become a battle brother. The methods I have developed over the last milennia are more stringent, for we must be pure in our hatred and hard of heart, body and soul. Fewer than one in every thousand survive, and I strive each day to lengthen these odds still further.
The Grimoire Mutatius Curatus, by Fabius Bile, Primogenitor of the Traitor Legions,

Follow me, my Children, and the glory of victory shall be yours. We shall cleanse ourselves in the crimson waters of our enemy. We shall bring the ecstasy of quick release to those who stand before us. We shall give bloody praise to the Lord of Pleasure and sing his name as we dance across the fallen. Follow me, my Children, and you shall taste the undreamt joys that lie beyond the bounds of mortal sense.
Fabius Bile, Lieutenant Commander of the Emperor's Children (original reference to Fabius Bile, in Realm of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness)

Why did I not have you killed? For your presence here and the act you are about to commit proves the truth of everything I have ever said or done. Death is nothing compared to vindication.
Konrad Curze, Primarch of the Night Lords to an Imperial assassin sent to kill him

Kill a thousand men and they will hate you.
Kill a million men and they will queue to face you.
But kill a single man and they will see monsters and devils in every shadow.
Kill a dozen men and they will scream and wail in the night, and they shall feel not hatred, but fear.
Konrad Curze, Primarch of the Night Lords

War is cruelty. There is no use trying to reform it. The crueler it is the sooner it's over.
Warmaster Horus to Fulgrim on being asked if his tactics were too brutal. (In reality, this is an American Civil War quote attributed to the Union General William Sherman, as he remarked when confronted by a fellow officer regarding the bloody and often underhanded tactics he employed in his attacks throughout Georgia, known today as "Sherman's March.")

This is our galaxy. Ours to corrupt. Ours to enslave. The Gods will not be denied of their prize.
Xerxeth, Sorceror of the Black Legion

Do not ask which creature screams in the night,Do not question who waits for you in the shadow,It is my cry that wakes you in the night,And my body that crouches in the shadow.I am Tzeentch and you are the puppetThat dances to my tune.
Karazantor the Vile, The Traitor of Xian

There is no peace among the stars, only an eternity of slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods.
Anon

We fight the long war, not through vain notions of duty or honour, but through a far purer purpose: hatred. At the height of our glory we were betrayed and cast out by our own kin. Guilliman, Dorn, Sanguinius - these are names I curse. Horus, Perturabo, Angron - these names
I revere, names I would follow to the very end. It is that hatred that has sustained me through the long millennia. I tend it with bitterness. I nurture it with the deaths of my former brothers. For I know that when the end is upon us and Horus is returned, then the false Emperor shall be cast down from his sepulchral Golden Throne, and we shall take our rightful place at the side of Horus, the true Emperor of Mankind.
Ferrous Ironclaw, Warsmith of the Iron Warriors Second Grand Company

It is the fate of the weak to die unknown, and the destiny of the strong to rule for eternity. Give me glory, or give me death!
Gauwe Psgas

Knowledge is power, and with the key to the Black Library I shall claim it all.
Ahriman the Sorcerer

KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN!
Kharn the Betrayer

Quotes from Xenos


Quotes from the Orks

'Oomans are pink and soft, not green and tough like da Boyz. They'z all the same size, too - No big'uns or little'uns, so they'z always arguing about who's in charge, 'cos there's no way of telling 'cept for badges an' ooniforms and fings. Anuvver fing - when they do sumfink, they try to make it look like somfink else to confuse everybody. When one of 'em wants to lord it over the uvvers, 'e says "I'm very speshul so'z you gotta worship me", or "I know summink wot you lot don't know, so yer better lissen good". Da funny fing is, 'arf of 'em believe it and da over 'arf don't, so 'e 'as to hit 'em all anyway or run fer it. Wot a lot of mukkin' about if yer asks me. An' while they'z all arguin' wiv each other over who's da Boss, da Orks can sneak up an' clobber da lot.
Snotgrub's view of humanity and its failings

Da red wunz go fasta.
popular Ork belief regarding vehicles

'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, through the cosmos.'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, through infinity.'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go, don't know where till we get there.
Chant of Orks hitching rides through the warp

Orkses is never defeated in battle. If we win we win, if we die we die so it don't count as defeat. If we runs for it we don't die neither, so we can always cum back for anuvver go, see!
Ork view of warfare

Shooty Deff from da Sky
Motto of the Vulcha Sqwadron of Bommers

All Orks is equal, but some Orks are more equal dan others.
Goff Warboss Bugrat Skumdreg, on accusations of taking more than his fair share of the booty from the latest battle. Originally a notorious quote from George Orwell's Animal Farm.

If ya wanna be big an' mean,If ya wanna be best an' green,If ya wanna get da job done fast,Da Vulcha skwad iz where it's at!
Lift-off chant of the Vulcha Skwad.

The best means of defense is attack, an' the best means of attack is a really really big one, right, with lots of boys an' dead big shooty things and what have ya.
Drekzog, legendary Ork smartboy

Call yerselves Speed Freeks... Hur Hur Hur
Da Black Baron, en route to the front line

I'm da hand of Gork and Mork, dey sent me to rouse up da boyz to crush and kill 'cos da boyz forgot what dere 'ere for. I woz one of da boyz till da godz smashed me in da 'head an' I 'membered dat Orks is meant to conquer and make slaves of everyfing they don't kill.
I'm da profit of da Waaagh an' whole worlds burn in my boot prints. On Armour-Geddem I led da boyz through da fire deserts and smashed da humies' metal cities to scrap. I fought Yarik, old one-eye at Tartarus, an' he fought good but we smashed iz city too.
I'm death to anyfing that walks or crawls, where I go nothin' stands in my way. We crushed da stunties on Golgotha, an' we caught old one-eye when da speed freeks blew da humies' big tanks ta bits. I let 'im go 'cause good enemies iz 'ard to find, an' Orks need good enemies ta fight like they need meat to eat an' grog ta drink.
I iz more cunning than a Grot an' more killy dan a dread, da boyz dat follow me can't be beat. On Pissenah we jumped da marine-boyz an' our bosspoles was covered in da helmets we took from da dead 'uns. We burned dere port an' killed dere bosses an' left nothin' but ruins behind.
I'm Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka an' I speak wiv da word of da gods. We iz gonna stomp da 'ooniverse flat an' kill anyfing that fights back. We iz gonna do this coz' we're Orks an' we was made to fight an' win.
Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka

Quotes from the Eldar

The Orks are the pinnacle of creation. For them, the great struggle is won. They have evolved a society which knows no stress or angst. Who are we to judge them? We Eldar who have failed, or the Humans, on the road to ruin in their turn. And why? Because we sought answers to questions that an Ork wouldn't even bother to ask! We see a culture that is strong and despise it as crude.
From Culture vs. Kultur: Thoughts on Orkish Society by Uthan the Perverse, a controversial Eldar philosopher

The stars themselves once lived and died at our command, and yet you still oppose our will.
Mirehn Biellann, Eldar Farseer

The mind of the Farseer is utterly inhuman in its depth and complexity. Without mercy or moral feeling his consciousness stands upon the edge of spiritual destruction. That he does not fall must be the result of constraints and balances which only an Eldar could understand. To a mere human it is yet another reminder that we are but children compared to that ancient and powerful race.
Inquisitor Czevak, Description of the Eldar Farseer

Quotes from the Dark Eldar

I am truly disappointed that cruel fate has placed us in this position, such that I really have no choice other than to unleash my warriors against your population centres. If only you would lay aside these foolish hopes of protecting your resources and return to your homes and families, much bloodshed and woe could be avoided. Yet...there is still time, any who leave now will be spared and I give you my word that they will be granted free passage through the wastes. This offer of amnesty will stand for two of your hours before the terror begins anew. I can only hope that you consider your position carefully. Send forth a representative to discuss further terms if you wish, or send several if you cannot trust one of your number to speak for the rest. I feel sure that they all can be...accommodated.
Asdrubael Vect, Supreme Lord of the Kabal of the Black Heart

Fetch me another plaything. This one seems to have broken.
Urien Rakarth, Haemonculus

Quotes from the Tau

It saddens me greatly that we must take arms against the peoples of the galaxy. Every being in the galaxy is precious, thus it is a great shame we must scorch the flesh from the bones of those who refuse to bow down and accept as truth the enlightenment we bring. By their deaths, they deny themselves the liberation that is only to be found in total surrender to the Greater Good.
Aun'va Gandhi, Supreme Humble Master of the Shining Path

A question of perception.

This subject has cropped up this summer.

When I deal with personal threats at work, this is the vision I believe they have of the scene playing out.



Here is a public service movie for the people in question.



If they attempt to "have thier people on the street get" my family at home, then this scene would be more accurate.



And to those out there in the blogsphere who think they are immune from violence in public, I offer the following clip from february of this year.



Remember, too much oil will move the ppoint of impact for a cold bore shot, so use a minimal amount of rust preventative after cleaning!

Happy Halloween!

Compilation of Slutty Halloween ChicksThese are actually all the girls who came to my door last night for candy. Now they're locked up in my basement, forced to dance for all of eternity.

"I want" video. Another of my favorite videos, with heavy symbolism that bears repeat viewings. The lyrics in english:

I want

I want you to trust me
I want you to believe me
I want to feel your eyes
I want to control every heartbeat

I want to hear your voices
I want to disturb the peace
I want you to see me well
I want you to understand me

I want your fantasy
I want your energy
I want to see your hands
I want to go down in applause

Do you see me?
Do you understand me?
Do you feel me?
Do you hear me?
Can you hear me?
We hear you
Can you see me?
We see you
Can you feel me?
We feel you
I don't understand you

I want

We want you to trust us
We want you to believe everything from us
We want to see your hands
We want to go down in applause - yeah

Can you hear me?
We hear you
Can you see me?
We see you
Can you feel me?
We feel you
I don't understand you

Can you hear us?
We hear you
Can you see us?
We see you
Can you feel us?
We feel you
We don't understand you

I want

Rammstein rocks. Here is the video for "keine lust" with its emo-type lyrics. Its a parody about being lazy, and the video features the band in fat suits. Oh, and various hot chicks with flamethrowers. Germans seem to be enamored with the flamethrower! English lyrics:

I don't feel like it
I don't feel like it
I don't feel like it
I don't feel like it

I don't feel like not hating myself
Don't feel like touching myself
I would feel like masturbating
Don't feel like trying it
I would feel like getting undressed
Don't feel like seeing myself naked

I would feel like it with big animals
Don't feel like risking it
Don't feel like going from the snow
Don't feel like freezing

I don't feel like it
I don't feel like it
I don't feel like it
No I don't feel like it

I don't feel like chewing anything
because I don't feel like digesting it
Don't feel like weighing myself
Don't feel like lying in fat

I would feel like it with big animals
Don't feel like risking it
Don't feel like going from the snow
Don't feel like freezing
I'll just keep lying here
and I'll count the flies again
I listlessly touch myself
and notice I've been frigid for a long time already [1]
So frigid, I'm cold . . .

I don't feel like it

[1] "Kalt" here is used not to mean temperature, but temperament. In the next line, "Mir ist kalt" is used to mean temperature.

Heavy metal Snow White video.
Rammstein singing "sonne" in a new spin on the classic fairy tale. The english translation of the lyrics:

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, out

Everyone is waiting for the light
be afraid, don't be afraid
the sun is shining out of my eyes
it will not set tonight
and the world counts loudly to ten

One
Here comes the sun
Two
Here comes the sun
Three
It is the brightest star of them all
Four
Here comes the sun

The sun is shining out of my hands
it can burn, it can blind you all
when it breaks out of the fists
it lays down hotly on the face
it will not set tonight
and the world counts loudly to ten

One
Here comes the sun
Two
Here comes the sun
Three
It is the brightest star of them all
Four
Here comes the sun
Five
Here comes the sun
Six
Here comes the sun
Seven
It is the brightest star of them all
Eight, nine
Here comes the sun

The sun is shining out of my hands
it can burn, it can blind you
when it breaks out of the fists
it lays down hotly on your face
it lays down painfully on your chest
balance is lost
it lets you go hard to the floor
and the world counts loudly to ten

One
Here comes the sun
Two
Here comes the sun
Three
It is the brightest star of them all
Four
And it will never fall from the sky
Five
Here comes the sun
Six
Here comes the sun
Seven
It is the brightest star of them all
Eight, nine
Here comes the sun